He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
