Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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