that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
