I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
