I wish I could teleport
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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