Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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