I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
