You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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