She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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