so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
