My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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