Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
