Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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