My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
