I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
