Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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