Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
