I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
