Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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