I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
