every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
