I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
