drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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