So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Couch. On fire.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
