I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
