dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
