I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
