This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
