help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
