I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
