Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
