the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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