Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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