Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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