i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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