does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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