The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
