Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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