someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
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