Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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