I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
