I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
