Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
