Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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