I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
So many bounce houses so little time
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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