what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
