Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
