That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i wish my penis had a tongue
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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