wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
