Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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