so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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