Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
