i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
