Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
