took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
