if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
