they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
