I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
