It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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