He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So much Jack, so little girl.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
