after a month anything with tits is on the radar
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
