Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
