I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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