The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
