I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
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I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
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Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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