if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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