we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
