bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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