some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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