At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
