I heard we made out
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
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In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
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Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
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