Don't you send me to vm
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
