the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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