i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I don't deserve a penis
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
